Chief Mark Corona is the Fearless Leader of the Slowjamastan Porder Batrol

Mark Corona is the fearless leader of the Slowjamastan Porder Batrol, dedicated to defending our beloved nation’s borders from the ultimate fashion disaster: fugly clown-looking shoes, a.k.a. Crocs.

First, watch the video. Seriously, it’s a requirement.

Our ironclad laws ensure the safety of our citizens from the true criminal masterminds: mumble rap enthusiasts, people who butcher string cheese eating etiquette, and those brazen enough to prop their dirty feet on the dashboard while cruising down the highway. Join us in our noble quest to keep Slowjamastan free of these heinous acts!

Slowjamastan, is the coolest dictatorship on the planet. Our weather? A perfect 74 degrees—except when those pesky winds from the U.S. blow in and mess everything up. But don’t worry, we will be installing high powered fans from Home Depot to blow those winds back!

The No-Speeding (Unless You Have Tacos) Rule

First things first: speeding is strictly prohibited in Slowjamastan. That is, unless you’re carrying tacos. Let’s be honest, who wants cold, soggy tacos? So if you’ve got a car full of deliciousness, feel free to put the pedal to the metal. Otherwise, take it slow—this is Slowjamastan, after all.

Chief Mark Corona: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Our fearless leader, Chief Mark Corona, is known for his 24 karat gold shoes. Don’t even think about trying to find them on Amazon—they don’t exist. And as for his gun? Well, it may or may not be a tequila shooter. You’ll have to see for yourself. Just don’t be surprised if happy hour starts when he’s around.

The $50 Duble Challenge Coin

Want a piece of Slowjamastan history? Chief Mark Corona has his very own challenge coin known as the $50 Duble (pronounced doo-ble). You can snag one for yourself at our shop. It’s the perfect souvenir to show off to your friends, you will be the talk of your town!

Friends in High Places

We’ve got quite the fan club here in Slowjamastan. Police departments and border patrol agencies from around the globe are our allies, friends, and biggest fans. They appreciate our unique blend of order and chaos, not to mention our commitment to perfectly warm tacos.

Language Lessons

Our official language is English, but with a twist. We speak with a General Foreign Accent (GFA). It adds an extra layer of charm and confusion to all interactions, making every conversation a delightful guessing game.

So come on down to Slowjamastan, where dictatorship meets delight, the weather is (almost) always perfect, and tacos reign supreme. We promise you’ll have a memorable time—especially if you’re speeding with tacos.