Applicants found wearing Crocs, speeding without tacos, or placing feet on dashboards may be denied immediate clearance.

Proceed with honesty.

MINIMUM AGENT REQUIREMENTS

All applicants must meet or reasonably pretend to meet the following official standards established by the Porder Batrol Recruitment Division:

• Attempt at least one push-up within 90 seconds
• Maintain basic taco transportation awareness
• Oppose Crocs in both public and private settings
• Understand proper string cheese consumption procedures
• Avoid placing feet on dashboards
• Demonstrate moderate desert readiness
• Maintain respect for raccoons, citizens, and authorized snack foods
• Recover quickly after unexpected naps

If you believe you meet these standards, Chief Border Agent Mark Corona encourages you to submit your official application for review.

APPLY TODAY