BREAKING: Leader Of The Croc Cartel Arrested After Border Crossing.
Story by Dirk Cunningham
After a wild chase through Slowjamastan, the notorious leader of the Croc cartel was apprehended. On Saturday, Eagle-eyed Asst. Border Agent Slowjamastanley made the arrest. Chief Border Agent Mark Corona praised his work and added that: “Crocs are an abomination to humanity. Such heinous shoe monstrosities deserve all they get. Better watch your feet or you’ll wind up in jail with these creeps!“
In Slowjamastan, the punishment for sporting a pair of crocs is swift and severe – they’ll be burned at the stake! But now that law enforcement has made an arrest, they are hoping for a major production slowdown.
The country of Slowjamastan has seen a serious uptick in evil crocs. But, they’ve finally taken matters into their own hands! And if you’re caught with any? Well… let’s just say that justice can be darn hot– because it’ll mean getting them burned at the stake! 🔥
Stay tuned for more breaking news. And, God bless the Republic of Slowjamastan. – Dirk Cunningham
The Porder Batrol Times is a division of the Slowjamastan Ministry of Communications and Dirk Cunningham Productions.
Huzzah! All glory and praise to our honorable Slowjamastani security personnel. Ever vigilant!
Thank you, John!