Feet On the Dashboard Overwhelm Agents. Chief says "Disgusting crime."

Story by Dirk Cunningham

Despite the fact that one of the croc cartel leaders was arrested back in March, the chaos continues. While the Croc problem may be concerning, it seems the Slowjamastan Porder Batrol has a new threat to contend with – feet on the dashboard. Chief agent Mark Corona is cracking down on the offenders.

Slowjamastan Laws

Who Knew Dirty Feet On The Dashboard Could Cause Such Trouble?

Feet on the dashboard may seem like a harmless act, but, according to Chief Border Patrol Agent Mark Corona, it’s a “disgusting crime.” While many of us may see it as a comfortable and easy way to relax during a long drive, it’s been overwhelming agents.
Mark Corona added: “We are dealing with a double edged sword. For every Croc we remove, we end up with a bare foot on the dash”.
He continued to say: “Slowjamastanley and I are overwhelmed. We don’t have enough shoes to replace a croc removal. Unfortunately, it ends up as feet on the dashboard”.

What Is The Punishment?

Being caught with your dirty pies (Spanish for feet) on any dashboard is a serious crime in Slowjamastan. The punishment? Two slaps with a dirty croc to the face. 2 hours of forced listening to non-stop mumble rap using noise reduction earbuds. 1 hour of Lil’ Uzi Vert songs starting at 5am. And, finally, non stop re-runs of the Kardashians.


Next time you’re getting ready to kick back and relax during a road trip, think twice before putting your feet anywhere near that dashboard. It’s unsafe and unsanitary…and Mark Corona and Slowjamastanley are always keeping their eyes peeled.
Slowjamastanley (pictured raccoon) is the Assistant to the Chief Porder Batrol Agent, Mark Corona. When he’s not taking a nap or on a coffee break, he’s as vigilant as they come.
Stay tuned for more news. And, God bless the Republic of Slowjamastan. – Dirk Cunningham.
The Porder Batrol Times is a division of the Slowjamastan Ministry of Communications and Dirk Cunningham Productions. 


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