BORDER UPDATE: WAIT TIME UNDER ONE MINUTE

The Porder Batrol is pleased to report that today’s wait at the Slowjamastan border was under one minute—primarily because no one else was there.

No SENTRI card was required. No Crocs were detected. All string cheese was found fully compliant, and surveillance confirmed no mumble rap within a five-mile radius.

The Croc Threat Level remains Mostly Low.

Travelers are reminded to declare all unauthorized footwear and answer all security questions with unnecessary confidence.

The Porder remains secure. This update will be revised immediately if anything interesting happens.