What Is Porder Batrol ?

Chief Mark Corona in Porder Batrol vehicle, patrolling Slowjamastan's borders with authority and vigilance.

The Porder Batrol is Slowjamastan’s first line of defense! Whether by pogo stick, bicycle, tricycle, running, walking, jumping, crawling, or crying, as Chief Border Patrol Agent, it is my duty to safeguard our borders from any lawbreakers.

Want to know what happens when you f**k around and find out?

Buckle up butter cup! Breaking our laws comes with serious consequences, ranging from enduring mumble rap to being slapped with a dirty croc. And, if you really want to push your luck, you might find yourself tortured to death by watching re-runs of the Kardashians for 24 hours. So, I ask you, do you really want to f**k and find out? Trust me, you don’t want to cross that line. However, I must admit, I’d relish the opportunity to personally slap you with a dirty clown shoe if you dare. Go ahead, I triple dog dare you!

But wait! What are the laws?

Excellent question. Glad you asked. Check out our full list of laws.

Well, there you have it. This is what the Slowjamastan Porder Batrol is all about. Want to join us? Please apply here.

Logo of the Porder Batrol, Slowjamastan's whimsical law enforcement agency, featuring bold yellow text on a black background.
I Look Forward To Meeting You! See You At The Gate!
Porder Batrol officer in uniform, guarding the Slowjamastan border with a stern demeanor, desert landscape and flag in background.

As Seen And Heard On

CNN logo representing media coverage of the Porder Batrol's humorous enforcement in Slowjamastan.
The Guardian logo representing news coverage of the Porder Batrol's satirical law enforcement in Slowjamastan.
Fox News channel logo symbolizing media coverage of the Porder Batrol's humorous law enforcement in Slowjamastan.
KTLA 5 logo, showcasing media coverage of the Porder Batrol, Slowjamastan's comedic border enforcement agency.
Logo of South Korea TV, symbolizing media presence in the context of Porder Batrol's satirical enforcement narrative.
KFI AM 640 logo, emblematic of the Porder Batrol's humorous outreach in Slowjamastan's border enforcement narrative.