What Is Porder Batrol ?

Chief Mark Corona in Porder Batrol truck, patrolling Slowjamastan's borders, ensuring whimsical law enforcement.

The Porder Batrol is Slowjamastan’s first line of defense! Whether by pogo stick, bicycle, tricycle, running, walking, jumping, crawling, or crying, as Chief Border Patrol Agent, it is my duty to safeguard our borders from any lawbreakers.

Want to know what happens when you f**k around and find out?

Buckle up butter cup! Breaking our laws comes with serious consequences, ranging from enduring mumble rap to being slapped with a dirty croc. And, if you really want to push your luck, you might find yourself tortured to death by watching re-runs of the Kardashians for 24 hours. So, I ask you, do you really want to f**k and find out? Trust me, you don’t want to cross that line. However, I must admit, I’d relish the opportunity to personally slap you with a dirty clown shoe if you dare. Go ahead, I triple dog dare you!

But wait! What are the laws?

Excellent question. Glad you asked. Check out our full list of laws.

Well, there you have it. This is what the Slowjamastan Porder Batrol is all about. Want to join us? Please apply here.

Porder Batrol logo featuring bold yellow text on a black circle, symbolizing the whimsical border security of Slowjamastan.
I Look Forward To Meeting You! See You At The Gate!
Porder Batrol officer in military coat, overseeing border at Slowjamastan with warning signs and flag in desert landscape.

As Seen And Heard On

CNN logo, symbolizing media coverage of Porder Batrol's satirical border security in Slowjamastan.
Logo of The Guardian, symbolizing media coverage of Porder Batrol's satirical border laws in Slowjamastan.
Fox News Channel logo, symbolizing media coverage of Porder Batrol's satirical border enforcement in Slowjamastan.
KTLA 5 logo representing media coverage of Porder Batrol, the satirical border security agency of Slowjamastan.
South Korea TV logo representing Porder Batrol's comedic take on border security in Slowjamastan.
KFI AM 640 logo, representing media coverage of Porder Batrol's whimsical border enforcement in Slowjamastan.