🚨 Coffee Lovers Wanted! 🚨

I’m Mark Corona, Chief Border Agent of Slowjamastan—the world’s newest (and quirkiest) country. Yes, it’s real. Yes, it’s amazing. And yes, we’re just 90 miles south of Palm Springs, CA.

Here’s the deal: Like any hardworking border agent, coffee is my lifeline. So, I created Porder Batrol Coffee—fresh-roasted the same day it ships and guaranteed to keep you alert (even if you’re not guarding a border).

I want YOU to be among the first to try it—for FREE! 🎉 Fill out the form, and I’ll send you a 12oz bag of Porder Batrol Coffee straight to your door.

(And yes, “Porder Batrol” is my tongue-in-cheek spin on “Border Patrol.”)

Hurry—this coffee is going faster than Crocs at a Slowjamastan checkpoint! 🏃‍♀️☕

Find out more about our satirical laws and our ban on Crocs!